WWE Superstars Report (05/28/09)

I thought I'd try my hand at recapping a WWE show, and I'm starting with last night's episode of WWE Superstars on WGN America.

I've never done this, and I might miss the name of a move here or there...like I said, first time ever doing this.

For the record I will be rating matches on a five snowflake scale *****

Here we go!

WWE....the world is watching!

Theme song...pyro goes off and we are taped from the Staples Center in Los Angles, California!!

According to Todd Grisham our main event for the evening is a match featuing talent from the RAW roster as John Cena will make his Superstars debut against the son of The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase...Ted DiBiase..ready, set, go!

AIN'T NO STOPPING ME....NO!!!

The World's Greatest Tag Team is on their way to the ring, why can't they come out to the old WGTT music??

I SPIT IN THE FACE OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO BE COOL

Here come your Unified Tag Team Champions, The Colon Brothers.

Match #1: (Non-title Match) The World's Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas) v. WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham are our commentators for this match. Primo and Shelton are starting out with a lock up, into a side headlock by Shelton. Fireman's carry by Shelton, into an armbar. Primo rolls out and nips up into a forearm shiver from Benjamin. Whip into the corner to Primo from Shelton, Benjamin eats Primo's boot, Primo up top and hits a top rope cross body block into a pin for two. Benjamin tags out to Haas. Haas hammers Primo in the corner. Primo counters a turnbuckle shot and goes up top for some punches, Haas pushes him off into the center of the ring after four shots. Tag to Carlito and a double dropkick to the face by the Colons on Haas. Carlito covers for two and is then thrown into the corner for his troubles as Haas stomps away on him.

Carlito into the WGTT's corner and Shelton is tagged in and delivers several kicks to Carlito's chest and rolled into a sitting headlock by Benjamin. Carlito begins to counter out and is whipped into the ropes and takes a huge scoop slam. Carlito counters a possible powerbomb attempt into a roll up for two. Back body drop from Carlito to Benjamin and Carlito tags in Primo. Primo attacks with several punches, dropkicks and a hurricanrana for a two count. Shelton tossed outside to the apron where Primo is distracted by Haas and Shelton snaps Primo's right arm and shoulder right off the top rope as we head to our first commercial break.

~COMMERCIAL BREAK~

Apparently "12 Rounds" starring John Cena is coming out on DVD and Blu Ray soon...if a tree falls in the woods can anyone hear it?

We're back and Haas is in control of Primo in the corner. Haas tags Benjamin in and he goes for a pinfall and gets a two count. Mounted punches from Shelton, who throws Primo shoulder first into the corner ring post. Haas is tagged in and he immediately goes to work on the injured shoulder. Lot of ground and pound from Charlie, which shouldn't shock anyone. Primo starts mounting a comeback with one arm and almost makes the hot tag before he is stopped by Haas who hits him with a spinebuster. Haas goes to the pinfall but it is broken up by Carlito. Benjamin is tagged in and goes right after the shoulder. Benjamin is getting really agressive with severl forearms to the face. Rear armbar by Benjamin, Primo tries to counter with punches but is slammed to the canvas.

BROOKLYN BROOKLYN!

Cryme Tyme is out on the stage with mics and they begin to make their way down to the ring. They start ripping on the WGTT calling Benjamin Wesley Snipes. Distracted by Cryme Tyme Shelton is rolled up by Primo for a two count. JTG tells Shelton to pay attention as Primo makes the hot tag to Carlito. Carlito comes in on fire, bit Million Dollar knee lift and a clotheline to Benjamin, followed by a top rope elbow and Carlito gets a two count. Haas tagged in and Carlito knocks Shelton off the apron and goes for a moonsault of the middle of the top rope which is countered by Haas who flips Carlito over his back, however Carlito hits the Back Stabber and 1...2...3 it's over! **1/2 (Basic tag team match, I like the fact the Colons are mixing it up with teams from all three brands)

Winners: The Colons via pinfall following a Back Stabber by Carlito to Haas

Colons celebrate with Cryme Tyme as the World's Greatest Tag Team looks on in disgust from the ring.

They cut to an interview with the band Adilita's Way, who are responsible for the lame Superstars theme song. They seem like real big douche bags..which most new rockers are..what happened to good rock music????

The All American American Jack Swagger admires himself in front of a mirror...you'd think he'd be studying his speech therapy book...I'm just saying. Finlay/Swagger is next.

~COMMERCIAL BREAK~

We're back and the Man Who Loves to Fight Finlay is on his way to the ring...however he is still coming out to Hornswoggle's shitty music...bring back his old music!!! "MY NAME IS FINLAY...AND I LOVE TO FIGHT!!!"

"Get on your knees!" Age Against the Machine hits and out comes the former ECW Champion the All American American JACK SCCCCHHHWAGGGER!

Match #2: Finlay v. Jack Swagger

Swagger goes right after Finlay taking him to the corner, delivering several vicious knee and fist strikes. Swagger whips Finlay across the ring to the other corner for more of the same. Third corner and Finlay comes up with a boot to the face, but Swagger immediately throws him through the ropes to the outside and starts doing push-ups in the ring! Marvelous!!

Jack Doan counts to five before Finlay gets back in and Swagger attacks and hits a second rope Vader Splash. Matt Striker just called out Josh Matthews for saying Swagger had never been in an Extreme Rules match before, which he has. Gotta love Striker. Swagger kills some time with a bear hug on the mat. Finlay powers out, but is whipped into the ring ropes and Swagger goes for an abdominal stretch, which is countered by Finlay and Swagger is thrown out of the ring. Finlay out on the apron and Swagger stands up and eats several boots the face. Finlay jumps off the apron towards Swagger who catches Finlay and rams him back first into the ring post, Swagger rolls him back in the ring and covers him for a two count.

Swagger goes up to the second rope and misses this attempt and the Vader Splash when Finlay counters with his knees, shoots the half and gets a two count. Finlay whips Swagger into the ropes who counters into a tilt-a-whirl Powerbomb attempt, but instead slams Finlay upside down into the corner and then hits him with the powerslam. Swagger grabs the shillelagh and is stopped by the official, inside cradle by Finlay for a two count. Finlay spears Swagger into the corner and goes for the Celtic Cross, but it is countered into the gutwrench powerbomb by Swagger for the three count. *1/2 (Just when it started getting good it was over)

Winner: Jack Swagger via pinfall following a gutwrench powerbomb

RAW Rebound....you know, Vince had an opportunity to showcase a good wrestling show on Monday night, instead they aired their pety dirty laundry live for the world to see. How ridiculous is it when the WWE carts out these horrible impersonators...this wasn't as bad as the Rosie/Trump thing a few years ago, but give me a break guys...let's see wrestling on our wrestling show...oh that's right I forgot...this is a Sports Entertainment show. Anyhow...I'm still pulling for the Lakers and the Cavaliers in the Finals...I'll skip RAW to watch Kobe and LeBron play each other.

~COMMERCIAL BREAK~

Michael Cole Slaw is here with Jerry Lawler and they are hyping up the Steel Cage match at Extreme Rules between Orton and Batista...and they go to a "very special video look at Randy Orton". I will never get sick of seeing the video of Orton punting Vince's head into the second row...that was fantastic! Probably the best moment of the year on RAW thus far.

Cole Slaw and Pervert run down the Extreme Rules card:

WWE Championship Steel Cage Match: Champion Randy Orton v. Batista
World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match: Champion Edge v. Jeff Hardy
Submission Match: John Cena v. The Big Show

That's all they show...which is bullshit, fuck that...if you're going to sell a PPV, sell the whole PPV so people know what ALL they are getting for their money!

Since the WWE won't tell you what else is on the card I will:

Samoan Strap Match: CM Punk v. Umaga
WWE Intercontinental Championship No Holds Barred Match: Champion Rey Mysterio v. Chris Jericho
Hog Pen Match for the Miss Wrestlemania Crown: Vickie Guerrero v. "Santina" Marella
ECW Championship Triple Threat Hardcore Rules Match: Champion Christian v. Tommy Dreamer v. Jack Swagger

I'd fully expect one or two more matches to be added before next Sunday.

Here come's Cena...and once again Cole Slaw reminds us that this is his Superstars debut.

Vintage Cole calls it a thunderous ovation...I'd call it about 70/30. John Cena v. Ted DiBiase is next....

~COMMERCIAL BREAK~

"YEAH I'M PRICELESS....OH BABY I'M PRICELESS"

DiBiase is coming down to the ring alone, which would indicate an air of confidence about young master DiBiase. However, he is going up against WWE's very own Superman...so he's already lost the match.

Match #3: John Cena v. Ted DiBiase

Bell rings and they lock up. Cena takes DiBiase down and into the corner. The official calls for the break, but in true heel fashion DiBiase locks in a side headlock and carries Cena over to the canvas. Crowd is chanting for Cena now. DiBiase should blocks Cena and knocks him down, DiBiase whips Cena into the ropes and Cena reverses into a hip toss, side slam and a running elbow by Cena. Cena whips DiBiase into the ropes and Ted hits a kick to the face and starts working Cena over in the corner with chops and a boot to the throat. King just mentioned that no one has ever made The Big Show tap out...bull shit. I remember The Undertaker making him tap out to the Gogaplata just eight months ago. Bulldog by Cena and a two count. DiBiase is whipped into the corner and he slips out of the way and Cena collides with the turnbuckle. DiBiase mounts Cena and goes to work with some wild punches. Someone in the front row just held up a Vader sign...It's time!!!! DiBiase continues to work over Cena, and gets a two count.

DiBiase is frustrated with the referee's count and asks the crowd, "What is this?" as he looks over the falled Doctor of Thuganomics. Cena blocks a straight right from DiBiase and whips him into the ropes, DiBiase goes for a cross body block and Cena catches him and sets him up for the FU (I refuse to call it the Attitude Adjustment) and DiBiase fights out and bails to the outside where Cena makes chase and ends up face first into the ring steps as we go to our last commercial break.

~COMMERCIAL BREAK~

We're back and DiBiase is still in control, and he has Cena in a rear chin lock. Cena powers out and rolls DiBiase up for two. DiBiase gets up and delivers a very solid clothesline to Cena. DiBiase drops several fists into Cena's face, just like his dad used to, a very Ortonesque dropkick from DiBiase to Cena and he goes for a pinfall and gets two. Cena is up and starts building momentum and it's time for the five moves of doom...flying shoulder block, flying shoulder block...tilt-a-whirl powerbomb...YOU CAN'T SEE ME...5 Knuckle Shuffle....FU! NO! DiBiase counters the FU into a roll up and grabs a hand full of tights for two. Scoop slam by DiBiase for two. DiBiase lifts Cena up, whips him into the ropes, back body drop by Cena....FU attempt in the corner but DiBiase holds onto the ropes! Cena releases and has ahold of his legs still and kicks DiBiase right in the solar plexis (Thank you Monsoon!) Cena steps back and rushes the corner, DiBiase counters with an elbow, flying clothesline and DiBiase is stalking Cena...scoops him up and hit's a Shock Drop for two. Cena to the outside on the apron and Cena is going up for a top rope move, but DiBiase is there and he is thinking superplex, but Cena counters out, pushes DiBiase down and hits the Rocker Dropper...DiBiase is down, Cena locks in the STF and that is all she wrote folks and DiBiase taps out. ** (Solid outing for DiBiase, he looked great against Cena here and I can't complain too much about that)

Winner: John Cena via submission by STF on Ted DiBiase

Cena celebrates as we fade to black.

Decent little wrestling show tonight, not much shenanigans other than Cryme Tyme getting involved, but I welcome anything that gets more tag teams involved in the tag team championship picture. DiBiase looked like he could hang with Cena, and even beat him on the right night...and Swagger basically had a prolonged squash against Finlay. I've got to say that Superstars has been fairly consistant so far since is't debut...I love the idea of three matches every week from each brand..you know they are all going to get decent time.

Well folks until next time keep geeking out!

Sorry.....I "Relapsed"

Alright, I'm sorry it's been a week since I last updated this blog. I've been busy...sue me.

Sunday I was live and in person at the arena formerly known as the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, Illinois for World Wrestling Entertainmet Judgment Day. Let me tell you, there is nothing like being live at a WWE event, let alone a WWE event in the Windy City. Chicago fans are generally pretty smart wrestling fans...they know what's going on, or are in the know more so than most fans, and they react so loudly and diversely it's pure electricity in the arena.

I'll give a match by match update at another time, however I do want to complain about something. The concession stand people in All State Arena are the worst. Ever. I waited in line for almost fifteen minutes for a pop and a hot dog, I missed most of the Shelton Benjamin/John Morrison match and also missed pretty much all of The Miz and Santino Marella's talkie segment. I was pissed, I expect to usually wait about five minutes, but 15!! I couldn't believe it, pour the pop, grab the hot dog out of the box of pre-wrapped hot dogs and take my money and go...it was a CASH ONLY concession stand!!!

Alright..let's transition into the reason why I've been away all week...I relapsed. I picked up my copy of Relapse the new album from Slim Shady, Mr. Marshall Mathers...Eminem.

I have been a huge Eminem fan for many years, all the way back to the debut of The Slim Shady LP. I'v been jonesing bad for a new Eminem CD for quite awhile so I was really excited for this to come out. I was not dissapointed at all..Slim brings it with the same hardcore wit and cunning lyrics that made him famous. My favorites include, "3 am", "My Mom", "Same Song & Dance", "Medicine Ball", "Old Time Sake", "Deja Vu", "Beautiful" and "Underground".

Ah shit, my Spy Sweeper just expired...gotta go renew that shit.

Geek out freak out...do what you wanna...nobody can stop ya...It's the end of the world as we know it!!!!

live from Popsomp Hills Rehabilitation Center

I'm tired.

I'm really tired...and I have to go to work in a little bit, and I wasn't even planning on having to do that tonight. I didn't really even have any plans tonight, but I didn't want to go to work.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

I just got done playing Guitar Hero, I quit when I failed "Hot for Teacher" on Hard. I can't get through that song yet...someday.

I think I should probably take a nap, but I think I'll probably watch TV...speaking of TV, The Office was hilarious last night! Michael letting all the people and families from the Buffalo branch know they were closing down the branch was hilarious during "Slum Dunder Millionaire" I believe it was..I might need to go back and watch that to check on that. Also, Pam and Jim have a big suprise to share with everyone in the office, for the sake of not sharing spoilers I'll let you all watch for yourself.

30 Rock also ended for the season last night, with a ridiculous take on charity music videos. I believe I spotted The Beastie Boys, Talib Kweli, Mary J. Blige, Clay Aiken, Wyclef Jean, Adam Levine, Elvis Costello, Cyndi Lauper, Moby and I know I'm forgetting more. Get that man a kidney!!!

So that really marked the end of this season of television for me. Most of my favorite shows are now in summer hiatus. However Weeds and Entourage are both coming back in the month of June I believe....Weeds I know for sure starts June 2.

To my beloved Heroes, The Office, 30 Rock, Saturday Night Live, Nip/Tuck, Big Love, Eastbound & Down and to any I'm leaving out...I'll see you all in the fall!

Remember..I'll be at WWE Judgment Day in Chicago Sunday, Runyan and I will both be wearing our CM Punk gear...look for the two nerds who totally aren't Straight Edge!

Keep geeking to the max kids!

later that night.....

Okay. I'm still awake. I'm fighting the sleep....the Vicodin are working full effect...a heavy helping of Reuben as well...Entourage is on in the background. Ari is screaming for Lloyd to come back to work...he's about to go to Finish Line and get Lloyd's boyfriend back for him. That's one of my favorite scenes from that season. Ari is forced to confront his homophobic feelings head on.

Can anyone explain to me why it is anyone else's business whether or not a man marries a man, or a woman marries a woman? I've never understood how someone can feel that pationately about something that has nothing to do with their lives? Do they think that if we allow homosexuals to get married in this country it will increase the probability that their own children will be homosexuals? I for one will be standing on the front lines of the gay rights line when the decision is handed to the voters of the state of Iowa in the near future and I'm as heterosexual as they come. I hope someone will comment on this and let me know why they feel like the right for some stranger to marry someone of the same sex is any of their business at all...please humble me!

I just looked it up and it's 134 days until the Dave Matthews Band concert at the stadium formerly known as Sec Taylor Stadium. September 25 is the date, which is also my father's birthday (sorry pop, but I'll be singing "Two Step" downtown), and it also happens to be Oktoberfest! Two years ago I applied to be the individual who tapped the "Golden Keg" and I'm going to apply again and I'm really hoping I can build up some steam and get this the title of Golden Keg tapper under my belt. Your support is greatly appreciated.

The episode of Entourage I was watching just ended at the song at the end was "Sinnerman" by Nina Simone. It is also used in the film "The Thomas Crown Affair" as well. Oh yes...the next episode on this disc of Entourage is the "Day Fuckers" episode where Turtle and Drama pick up the girl from Craigslist that likes to have sex while wearing an animal costume...I believe they are called "furries" which is hilarious!

Great line that just came up:

Eric: I'm not going to pick up a girl just for sex, that's mean!
Drama: No, mean is when I made Jess Mancini ride her bike home with no seat after I ass fucked her.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Ok...back to the whole reason I brought this whole furry thing up is because at the end of this episode while Drama is dressed as a rabbit I believe having sex with a girl dressed as a squirrel, Eric goes over to this British girls hotel room to have sex with her and get over Sloan (Emmanuelle Chriqui) and another great song by an amazing female is used, "Dream" by Alice Smith. An amazing artist who you should check out (I SAID SO!)

Oh this girls British accent is so hot.

As always...keep geeking out!

Star Trek

Alright kids, just got back from the cinema and I have to say...I loved the new "Star Trek". I have never been a big fan of Mr. Roddenburry's space saga, but with the new cast and the new spin on the beloved franchise, you can officially call me a Trekkie. I'm sure I'll get a few complaints about that comment.

Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine are about to become huge stars because of this movie..not to mention good ole Simon Pegg from "Shaun of the Dead" fame playing Scotty and John Cho who most people know as Harold as Sulu.

The best part of this new movie is that fact that it's an entirely new alternate universe in which to play around in...no need for prior Trek knowledge. I plan on buying this as soon as it comes out on Blu Ray.

Spent the day with my Dad today, showed him "Pineapple Express" and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and he loved them both. They are two of the best comedies of 2008, along with "Tropic Thunder" and "Role Models".

Sorry for the short post tonight, but I've got a lot on my plate the next few days. I've got to work tomorrow night at the bar (stop in and see me) and have a busy day ahead of me on Friday getting my room and car cleaned before I have surgery on the 27th that will put me on crutches for two months (plenty of time to devote to this blog). Saturday is karaoke at Cal's (which I'll be working as usual) and then Sunday I, along with Rev. Runyan, will be travelling to the Windy City for WWE Judgment Day and hopefully a stop at the Steak and Shake in Iowa City.

Just finished three tacos from Taco Bell, got my large Pepsi sitting in front of me with two Vics ready to take...probably self medicate another way too...but I'll leave that up to the imagination. Gonna pop in season four of Entourage and watch Billy Walsh flake out and watch the chaos ensue. Until next time...keep geeking out!

Here we go....

I've made many attempts at writing a blog, and it seems that each time that I do it, I always quietly bail out after six or seven posts. The reason for this I've determined is that I never had a theme to the blog, suffice to say I never had an inspiration to write about anything.

That all changes right now, welcome to The Modern Day Nerd.

I truly believe I am the Modern Day Nerd. Each time I post a blog it will have something to do with one of my many, what some people might call "nerdy", hobbies. Those include, but believe me are in no way limited to; World Wrestling Entertainment, comic books, Heroes, "Star Wars", etc.

I recently just discovered the greatness that is Hulu. You can watch countless hours of television on this website. Just tonight I was able to catch up on the Heroes webisodes "Nowhere Man" about the character Eric Doyle, who is a recuperating villain with an incredible ability. Eric is able to control the actions of others around him, making him what you might call a Puppermaster. This web series is an interesting exploration of Eric Doyle's mind. What makes the Puppermaster tick? Does he have the ability to feel emotion? Most importantly, did Eric tell Claire the truth when he told her he had changed his ways? You can view the trailer for "Nowhere Man" here.

I was also able to watch many portions of last weeks WWE Friday Night Smackdown which I had missed because my DVR decided that it didn't need to tape it last Friday night. I really needed to see some of the segments because as many of you don't know, I will be in attendence at WWE Judgment Day in Chicago at the Rosemont Horizon this Sunday. Judgment Day can be seen live on pay-per-view...or live in person in the sixteenth row if you are ME! The card for Judgment Day actually doesn't look too bad as their are a few matches that should wet most wrestling fans appetites. While the Randy Orton/Batista match is sure to NOT live up to it's expectations, Edge and Jeff Hardy are sure to tear the house down, as well as Jericho and Mysterio who were just added to the card over the weekend. I'm personally looking forward to the CM Punk/Umaga match as I think their styles could mesh well and create quite and entertaining bout. I could care less about the Cena/Big Show match as many of you know I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND JOHN CENA. Thankfully I will be in Chicago Sunday and I'm sure that Chicago will not dissapoint me in booing this man out of the building. Remember a few years ago, Chicago started a "Fuck you Cena" chant at Wrestlemania 22! Throw my first chance to see Captain Charisma Christian in person since I saw him at Lockdown in St. Louis and I'm feelin my second five hour drive to the Second City this month will be worth it.

Alright, I'm going to go watch The Office on DVD in bed...adios mis amigos until next time, keep on geeking out!